Time fries when you’ve got good tunes 

Maybe you put all your hard-earned breakfast coin through a brickie’s laptop last night. Perhaps you’ve got your greasy mitts on some black-market bacon. Whatever the reason, sometimes a comfy couch, Fox Sports News and homemade bacon and egg rolls is too much to resist. And when that’s the case, these are five of the best Tiny Desk Concerts to cook breakfast to.   

Anderson Paak 

Are they serving mash with these bangers? There’s a very good reason this performance has been viewed over 35 million times. The mini-gig starts with Come Down – the fan-favourite jingle produced by Hi-Tek that makes you want to hump the air without a shred of embarrassment.

Khruangbin 

Minimal lyrics, just a trio from Houston rubbing out velvety funk soul melodies, sprinkled with Thai, Spanish, Ethiopian and Middle Eastern music. Silky, exotic and pornographic, this is excellent background music for frying. Hell, it’d probably go down a treat in many a situation, like eating mushrooms, reenacting Jurassic Park, playing hide and seek with yourself… or all of the above at once. 

Jorja Smith 

Jesus tap-dancing Christ. That Jorja has a set of pipes that could turn the devil himself to the good book. Straight outta Walsall in England (next to the Peaky Blinders’ Birmingham), the 22-year-young Smitty brings soul to the mic and fire to the kitchen. 

Tom Misch 

Kinda like Jamiroquai on Xanax, ol’ Mischellaneous will slide into your ears like a fake Russian porn account slides into your Insty DMs – without you even bloody noticing. One minute you’ll be frying up brekkie, and before you know it, Misch is milking your eardrum and you’re tapping your hairy feet. And how about the mad dog on the saxamaphone? Grouse to say the least. 

The Roots 

No girls or cups, just eight musicians and one 12-minute song - It Ain't Fair. And if you’re half decent on the tongs and spatula, that’s all the time you’ll need to jam in the kitchen. 

A mouthful of B&E rolls rated 8.5/10 and above

If you’re a gluttonous slob with the attention span of a goldfish, this is for you. A 2-minute glance at some of the best bacon and egg rolls in Sydney – based on the B&E rolls we’ve eaten and given an 8.5/10 or above score.  

Disclaimer: We haven’t eaten every bacon and egg roll in Sydney, no one has. So, keep in mind there are breakfast scorchers out there waiting to be hoovered, rated and reviewed. If your go-to BAE isn’t on the list, let us know. Even better, review it.

9/10 Cafe Portman Zetland  
“Zooper Dooopers on a summer’s day, Real Madrid vs Barcelona, Darren Lockyer’s voice box, the bacon and egg roll @ Cafe Portman - what do these things all have in common? They are all fucking classic… one thing really stuck out, the Tocino bacon. Café Portman, you psycho! Tocino bacon is an in-house speciality. A sweet, Smokey style bacon that is marinated for a while, to reflect on what it has done. In the immortal words of Chris Isaak, bae bae did a bad bad thing, and in breakfast language that actually means you need to go to here” 

9.5/10 Bertoni Cafe Balmain - Guest Reviewer Jake Ausburn  
“After eating the bacon and egg roll at Bertoni Casalinga in Balmain, I wanted to gouge out the chef’s eyes. So sublime; such a symphony of flavours; a masterwork painted in salt and umami; I felt a terrible, awesome jealousy overcome me. I wanted it all for myself. I never wanted another man or woman to experience such flavour... the roll at Bertoni Casalinga scores a 9.5. I’ve subtracted 0.5 from the total score, but only because it’s made every other roll that much worse by comparison. Order one if you will, but beware the consequences. Sometimes, ignorance is truly bliss”  

Bacon and egg roll from Zubi Espresso

9/10 Room Two Ten Freshwater 
“My mate and I, off feeding went, found a coupla soft rolls at Room Two Ten. Bacon well crispy, with avo and cheese, not one egg sir, but two eggs please. As we gorged we bumped knuckles, chilli aioli, tom sauce and chuckles. The roll was good, the roll was grand, obvious from the yolk bukkake in hand" 

8.5/10 - Fleetwood Macchiato Erskinville 
“You are staring into the face of a braised pork masterpiece ft. smoked chilli, roasted corn, tomato relish, pickles and mayo... If this roll was driving a car, its number plate would be "FLAMES". Just like Stevie Nicks this was a sexual breakfast. Did we mention this place is called Fleetwood Macchiato. That in itself is a call to action for you to walk in to this cafe and high five the owner”  

9/10 - Bloodhound Espresso Darlinghurst - Guest Reviewer Pat Hatton 
“Do not be intimidated by the name, much like the Belgian pooch of its namesake, Bloodhound Espresso is a friendly little corner located on Palmer and Liverpool St in Darlinghurst and is very much a “good-boy”. Bloodhounds are known for their extraordinary sense of smell; Bloodhound Espresso will now be known for its extraordinary Bacon and Egg roll; get a load of it“ 

Bacon and egg roll from Bloodhound Espresso

8.5/10 Zubi Bar North Narrabeen 

“Trump winning, Tony Abbott sculling a tinny, Italy out of the World Cup, blokes from Perth stumbling around Kuta in AFL shorts - all hard to believe but true. Well, we’ve got something to add to that list. There is a PRE-MADE bacon and egg roll out there that is actually good. So good you enter Barry White mode when you eat it - you get all deep and sexy, and just start moaning “Ooooh baby”. It’s actually a bit euphoric, like Matty Johns when he was on the news after the ‘97 grand final win and told the nation winning was better than LEGO”

9/10 John Montagu Woolloomooloo  

“Very well played Mr. Montagu. The sesame seeds on the toasted bun were the icing on a beautiful bacon cake. Dunno what was in the secret sauce, but sweet lord it was flavoursome”